IS IT TIME TO PANIC YET?

Dear friends I am afraid it has started already. The official Asylum PANIC officer has been in touch and his first missive for Asylum XIV reads as below.

25.07.2024

Panic Officer website copy

STARTS
Possums, as the sage used to say, we have less than a month left. Now, for some of you that’s a concerning matter - but fret ye not. We can afford to indulge ourselves and relax this year. You know why, of course? Why, because the Asylum is a safe place, and it doesn’t matter how you show up, it only matters that you do.

That being said, if you’re getting excited, particularly as a new joiner, you can let out a little peep of excitement. Just. Don’t Panic. That’s my job.

And, if you really fancy a jump up and down, a squeal, or for those feeling more time-pressured in the run-up to THE BIG WEEKEND (that’s what they say in the theatre, instead of saying Macbeth OH BUGGER) then please do. But… if you say the P word… Well, I’ll stop smiling, you’ll stop smiling, and... And we don’t want any nonsense.

Basically, hands-off my panic - I need it, and I’m not telling you why. Good day.

ENDS

Editor’s note: This message was intercepted by an HMS Navy submarine at a depth of 3,500 ft using an experimental grapple. It was contained in a tin of baked beans. With the beans. Frankly, it was disgusting. Moist doesn’t begin to even cover it.

Also, he’s beginning to sound a little unhinged. Wonder if he’s in his right mind?

Editor’s addendum: Also, eggs, bacon, lettuce. Take the dog for grooming. Delete this later.

THE ASYLUM