THE MINISTRY OF STEAMPUNK
5-6 JULY 2025
Once again we have a feature-packed programme for The Town That Never Was, our 8th Steampunk event at the magnificent Blists Hill Victorian Town.
The Background Story
The Boffins at the Ministry’s Temporal Research Laboratory have recently made an important breakthrough with the discovery that the Ironworks are built over a rogue Æther Collider which has cracked open the Chrono-Frontier, merging the Victorian era with alternate timelines and worlds.
Mercury will be at it’s greatest western elongation and Uranus will be close to Venus on 4 July, so it looks like the next temporal rupture will occur over the weekend 5-6 July.​​​
​​This Year's Optional Themes
We expect the time tunnel to the Wild Wild West to reappear as last year so don’t be surprised by the appearance of cowboys roaming the cobbled streets.
Early indications suggest that the magnetic field anomalies in 2025 are similar to those which previously saw an influx of dinosaurs to the town so ‘Cowboys and Dinosaurs’ could be the order of the day.
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With the impending invasion of steam robots at the Asylum this year, there is also the very real possibility that some may use the Ironworks Timeslip to gain early access to the Victorian realm; please come prepared.
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​​Saturday or Sunday?
We appreciate that not everyone can attend both days of The Town That Never Was, but we try hard to make sure that the content and timings are different across the two days so that people coming for both days can enjoy different activities and features each day.
​​The Wellington Brass Band
One of the most popular features last year was the perfomance by the Wellington Brass Band who treated us to a concert by the green down in the lower part of town.
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We are delighted to confirm that they will be back again in 2025, playing on Saturday afternoon. You can expect a rousing selection of fabulous tunes played by a friendly and joyous bunch of very Steampunk friendly musicians.
​​High Noon Shoot-Out
If you are looking for a spot of drama over the weekend, you really should check out the High Noon Shoot-Out.
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This feature has livened the Asylum weekend for many years, so it seemed only natural to bring it along to The Town That never Was during our Wild Wild West themed weekend.
The High Noon Shoot-Out will take place Saturday and Sunday at a time 'to be confirmed'.
​​Belly Fusion Dance Collective
If you're more into dancing than shooting, come along to see the colourful and graceful ladies of Belly Fusion who will be performing in the upper and lower parts of town on Sunday.
​​The Steampunk Sallys
On a mission to save the souls of loose women, and help others turn from the evil drink and worse** the Steampunk Sallys will be back to entertain everyone on Saturday and Sunday.
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There will be a special opportunity to learn to 'Play the Tambourine the Sallys Way' on Saturday and the Sallys will be leading the Grand Promenade at the end of both days.
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**Please be aware that there is no real evidence that the Steampunk Sallys have been very successful in either of the above, but they are are trying very hard and remain eternally optimistic.
​​The Election of Mayor and Sherriff
We have always seen strong leadership as an essential part of the smooth running The Town That Never Was and to this end have each year elected a Town Mayor.
One year we elected a Minister for Time Travel but he [I] has [have] successfully argued that by the very nature of the job there is no need for re-election.
In 2024 the Scooby Doo Party were elected Town Mayor and the Gin Not Rum Party became Sherriff.
Please do come along and support (or heckle) this year's candidates in the elections of Mayor (Saturday) and Sherriff (Sunday).
Line Dancing at TTTNW
On Sunday afternoon if you come along to the area beside the Green in the lower part of town you will be able to join in our Line Dancing Class.
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This was a new feature last year and it went down so well we just had to ask Christina to come back and run it for us again this year.
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No previous experience is required, but you can expect to have great fun.
The Illicit Market
Who doesn't like a bit of illegal buying and selling?
There is an unconfirmed rumour that there will be an Illicit Market taking place over the weekend. If you want to take part it will be on Saturday [or if you are a member of the constabulary the rumour is it is going to be Sunday].
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Please be warned that uniformed and plain clothes Police operate in the vicinity. Also watch out for the current Sherrif as she is rumoured to be operating a dodgy sounding 'scheme' which does not always work out to the advantage of the humble buyer or seller.
Teapot racing and Tea duelling
It wouldn't be The Town That Never Was without the chance to take part in both Splendid Teapot Racing and Tea Duelling.
Both features will take place on Saturday and Sunday.
If you win at either you could find yourself on the way to win a medal at the Asylum in August.
Talks
On both Saturday and Sunday you can come along to the School House to see Dr Quack hit things with hammers in his introduction to sheet metal work. If you thought all hammers were pretty much the same you might be in for a surprise (if you are of a nervous disposition you are advised to sit down before you ask him how many hammers he owns).
On Saturday there will an introduction to Weekend at the Asylum for those who are unfamiliar with the biggest Steampunk event in the world and there might just be one or two snippets of previously unreleased information for those who are already Asylum veterans.
Then on Sunday there will be a talk about the spoof religion 'Cthulhu's Winesses'. If the Steampunk Sallys' brand of self-improvement doesn't appeal, the Cthulhu's Witnesses might be the right spoof religion for you.
Sink, Bomb or take as a Prize
The wonderful and thoroughly decent people of M/V (motor vessel) Storm Petrel will be exhibiting their fabulous machines throughout the weekend - but this year they have even more up their sleeves.
On both Saturday and Sunday they will be presenting a 'Layman's guide to Air Piracy' including tactics for boarding a variety of airships.
There could be smoke and there could be loud bangs. They also might want to see your passports (having been known to set up unexpected unlicensed checkpoints at some previous events).
Is that everything?
No, of course not. There will be other large scale exhibits around the town and costume competitions for the best Western or Dinosaur Wrangling costume (both days).​
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The National Institute of Monster and Paranormal Hunters (NIMPH) will be at large with their exhibits (which get weirder and weirder each year) and some unanounced features.
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There will be the Blue Plaque Trail.
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All of the above and more come on top of the amazing exhibits, characters and demonstrations that make Blists Hill Victorian Town one of the best places to visit any of the year, let alone when the Steampunks come to town to create The Town That Never Was for two days a year.
I don't suppose you have a map?
Funny you should ask. This year we have not one but two maps to share both are on the maps page -see link below.
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What about the full timetable?
You can now download the full Saturday and Sunday timetables as PDF documents from the links below. You will also be given an A6 booklet at the event which will include the timetable for each day, Tinker's map and some other fun information. Mobile phone signal at Blists Hill is very patchy, so please don't rely on being able to read documents on line while you are at the event.
How do I buy tickets?
As usual tickets are available either in advance or on the day from the host institution - link in the button below.
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